My beloved son Jay died in an accident on June 20.
Many of you have gotten to know Joy through this blog after she was adopted from an orphanage in Mumbai, India in 2014. She brought so much love and laughter into our lives: laughter that still lingers as my husband Desi and I strive. Wrapping our heads around this tragedy.
Joy was six and a half when we brought him home, a precocious boy full of mischief, attitude and street smarts, picked up during his hardscrabble early life on the streets of Mumbai. She was brilliant: clever and resourceful, fearless and sensitive and never afraid to express her opinion.
Early on we recognized that he possessed a rare artistic talent: a talent that later led him to the county’s coveted and highly competitive visual arts magnet program where he blossomed, creating art that baffled not only us, but also his proud parents. Art teachers who predicted a great future for him.
I called him “Joy” because that’s what he was to me. He swam fearlessly, rode his bike like a devil, loved movies, breathed trivia and had a sophisticated and eclectic taste in music, from Vivaldi compositions to Japanese anime soundtracks to Billy Joel to Eminem and even Kanye West (“He’s not all that Bad, Mom!”).
I once caught him in his room singing “Mere Sapan Ki Rani”, a hit 1970s Indian movie, after complaining endlessly about my love for old Hindi songs. Embarrassed, he faked an impassive shrug and countered, “Did I say I hate it?”
Jay made friends easily and could talk with adults just as easily as he could with peers. He was irresistibly adventurous at heart and feared nothing and nobody: a trait that often got him into trouble with his teachers who would write me, nagging me, about what he said or did in class. Still, they loved him for his bright charm and he often boasted, perhaps not untruthfully, that he was every teacher’s favorite student.
He was also the most honest critic of my cooking. If Jay doesn’t think something is to his taste, he’ll turn his nose up. It drives me crazier at times than I care to admit, but I also get the message. On the other hand, she was quick to brag about her mom’s food blog to anyone who would listen.
Right now I am filled with sadness and anger. There is nothing right about a world where such things can happen. It’s okay for my child’s life to stop while I continue. I will never see my beautiful son grow into the amazing young man he was meant to be. My heart will never be whole again.
Friends and family tell us to take solace in the fact that Jay has lived a full life for the past eight and a half years, with opportunities he never had. But there is no comfort to be had now. Still, I’m so thankful for my community every day, who have stepped up to support us. Every day teachers, friends, neighbors from different streets walk up to us with stories of meeting Jay and being fascinated by him never before. They tell us how he made them laugh.
I haven’t cooked much since that horrible day, but I’m slowly getting back into it. I know Jay will want me to share my recipes with you, just like he loves to share the cookies and cupcakes I make with his friends and teachers. I’ll get back to it soon, but for now I wanted to let you know why I’ve been absent these past few days and why I haven’t answered your questions and messages. I hope you bear with me as Desi and I go through this most difficult time of our lives.
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