What I learned from 6 months of psychotherapy
6 months ago I was spent! I’d been walking on E for a while, but it had finally taken its toll and I was seriously considering walking away from it all. I knew that if I didn’t get more help, my decision-making would only deteriorate. So I decided to do intensive psychotherapy for the first time in years.
My ego made it harder to swallow the pill because I convinced myself that as a public figure promoting mental health, I could be seen as a hypocrite. But really, the only thing that was hypocritical was my refusal and stubbornness to do exactly what I had encouraged others to do – seek professional help (and mean it). So I did. And here is the five point checklist of what I learned.
(If you, or someone you know, are in a difficult situation, hopefully this will provide encouragement to begin your journey with therapy, or help you feel comfortable turning to a trusted friend for emotional support By sharing this I hope it makes it easier to take the first step.
- We all experience trauma – we just have to stop running away from it to deal with it: What struck me in one of our first sessions was when she asked me, “What was the thing you needed most as a child but never got?” felt as real that day as it did when it first happened to me. As we went through the following sessions, I realized that I was running away from this younger self that I had “left behind” to avoid dealing with an unresolved trauma. She encouraged me to sit down and connect with my younger self. If you can answer this question for yourself and connect with this younger self, you will find that it helps uncover the root of many of your current emotions, reactions and behaviors. Just like you can’t escape from a bad diet, you can’t escape from your trauma.
- You have to accept reality: That was easier said than done! In order to stop avoiding reality and engage with the present, I first had to mourn the loss of my expectations of my life. I dealt with the parts of reality that had some emotional weight on me… it’s tough and it can stink. Still, acceptance allows you to shift your perspective from “this stinks, and it’s as good as it gets” to “this stinks, but I’m okay with it.” By acknowledging the emotional baggage, you can learn to stop avoiding and embrace reality without letting those emotions define and dictate your present.
- You (and your feelings) are worthy: The turning point was when my therapist asked me, “What makes you happy?” This question made me feel heard because it also helped me hear MYSELF. It can be a difficult question to answer. Still, suppose you dig deep and can answer this question. In this case, you can take the first steps to accepting your emotions AND yourself – your real, real self that deserves to have space and matter, without seeking external validation and building your worthiness on the expectations of others .
- You have to be comfortable with your own identity: Understanding my past trauma influenced the way I approached many of my personal and business relationships and what they meant to me. Do I feel free to be myself with this person or company? Am I unconsciously chasing acceptance? So my request to you is this: consider the relationships you have where you feel compelled to be who you feel you MUST be versus the relationships you have that you build and Celebrate you for who you ARE.
- Perspective is everything: And here is my last point. It sounds obvious, but the effect should not be underestimated: the therapy changes your perspective. It’s a bit like getting new reading glasses – you see the world much more clearly. As you deal with your past trauma, there will be significant changes in your relationships and the way you navigate the world. When your understanding and view of the world changes (and that’s a good thing), what you value changes too, which helps you embrace reality in a way you didn’t have before. You release the emotional baggage that colored your past experiences and dramatically alter how you navigate the world.
These are the five takeaways from my six month journey through psychotherapy, and as you watch the video I hope you discover how therapy could be helpful to you. To continue the conversation, I’m sitting down with Jesse — who has never been through therapy himself — to unpack additional questions people might have and to further break down the stigma of seeking professional help.
Check it out here and let me know what you think.
