As a perfectionist by nature who strives to give my all at all times and make sure my life is as full and healthy as possible, I’m learning to be okay with life’s less-than-perfect moments. After all, perfection doesn’t really exist, and striving for that outcome in life only prepares us for suffering.
However, the “rushing perfectionist” in me has kept himself in survival mode for most of my life. I realize that my racing thoughts have both positives and negatives…
The positives: It allows me to focus and reach with the laser and work really hard. As my team will agree, it gives me the relentless drive that has been important in getting JSHealth and JSHealth Vitamins to where we are today. On a personal level, it allows me to give a lot of care and energy to my loved ones and my lifestyle – my all.
The negative: When anxiety kicks in, or when my deep fear of insecurity rears its ugly head, it can all feel too scary or too painful. This can be all consuming and consuming if I don’t stay conscious and nurture it.
My husband Dean always reminds me that the “negatives” are not really negative. They are actually an important part of who I am and my journey in life and how I navigate through it all. Nothing is black and white!
The gift of therapy has taught me to live with the difficulties, “imperfections,” fears, pain, and insecurities that are part of life’s experience… and actually allow myself to dive into those emotions rather than try to ward them off. It is this act of devotion that brings true and long-lasting peace of mind. It honestly gave me a sense of freedom.
For me, I feel the need to know that everything will be fine. Life feels so precious. My mind turns dizzy as I realize that the certainty of knowing what is important to me is being protected. My father-in-law taught me, “Racing thoughts are like a rocking chair…keeps you on your toes, but unfortunately doesn’t get you anywhere.” I hear his words of wisdom like an anchor when I feel my mind rocking too much.
As my fear tries to hold me in its powerful grip, my therapist throws her hands at me – “Hands up Jess!” For me it is her favorite gesture in these moments, that we cannot know if everything will be fine, we sometimes have to take our hands off the wheel of life and surrender to the fear of insecurity and imperfection.
What you’ll learn through proper therapy is that it’s best not to nurture or try to fight these anxious, fear-based thoughts. Rather, it is most peaceful to be able to live harmoniously with them. This literally builds new pathways in our brains, teaching the mind to calm down and let go when the anxious thoughts come – allowing your nervous system to drop.
This is life. Beautiful, Painful, Calm, Messy, Hard, Simple, Amazing. I understood that the path of least resistance for me is to accept everything.
Learning to manage our thoughts without overreacting to them is what I call living peacefully. I hope I always know how to go back to that way of life. Honestly, I’m so proud of myself for working so hard to get closer and closer to this place because it brings me more joy and ease than I’ve had in my entire life.
I wanted to write this as a gentle reminder that finding peace and quiet with our minds every day doesn’t come naturally for some of us, but you can, and you will, with the right support. The simplicity is knowing that some days are good and others are more challenging, and then accepting that. That’s it.
all my love and care,
jess x